
I really like "people" (quotations understood for the rest of this rant). I think that this is really why I went into Anthropology was because it allows be to study people on all levels, from medical to social and even psychological at times. And as I was sitting here trying to work, I thought that I should provide some of my insight (a.k.a. a rant) on people.
I have a very odd fascination with people especially in a social and cultural context. As I was discussing with a friend last night, I think that people are a wonderful means for education. When one interacts in others it provides a venue for learning both cultural and social information while at the same time allowing for self reflection. It is for this reason that I enjoy being social and experiencing different cultures, talking with people from different backgrounds, and being the sounding board for many peoples problems in hopes of learning more about people and more about myself. I find, though, that everything that I do revolves around this kind of social/cultural reflection in everything from movies, books, and music to speeches, lectures, and water-cooler conversations. While this is a great means for learning and reflection, it has its drawbacks in that ALL situations are always under scrutiny and leaves me being unable to establish good relationships with people because if I am not able to feel like that person doesn't provide anything as a person, I lose interest. Bad I know, but I am confident in saying that is how I am.
With all that being said, I REALLY hate people. Yes there is a lot to be learned and a lot of fun to be had, but it is all the other stuff that comes with it that makes me really dislike people and not one to establish relationships. While I enjoy deconstructing conversations and analyzing social interaction patterns at the local dive bar it is all the other crap that comes with a "relationship" that drives me crazy. Gossip, for example, is something that I understand on a social and cultural level but the things that it does to people and the back-stabbing that goes with it does not make it warranted in my mind. For me being honest and upfront about issues is a much more respectable way to be and I would welcome anyone to come tell me the issue in which they think needs to be gossiped regarding me. On the same note, why don't people tell you things like "You are out of line" or "I really don't appreciate what you said"?
I honestly don't see why gossip has taken precedent over honesty.
In the same vane, why is it that people can not tell individuals when there is a problem. I don't find the logic in hiding from people, lying to people, or avoiding people in order to not have a conversation. People often mention that they dislike "confrontation" but it is the individuals involved that cause a dialog to become a confrontation, not the topic of the conversation to be had.
I can not make myself wrap my mind around this for some reason.
And then there is where the two paths of disdain and admiration for people cross, and this is where I get into trouble. My fascination with people, their situations, and how they deal with them make me out to be a great listener. And I believe that I am. I honestly care about what people have to say and will listen as much as they need. At this point, however, I assume that individuals that wish to talk with me perceive to have some sort of established relationship with me and value my opinion. I have learned through the years to not give out my opinion, but only dispense it when asked for. However, I am not sure that I can do that anymore. With this view of honesty as the best option and a need for mutual respect I assume that when I give someone my opinion they will then let me know if it offends them or becomes an issue in some way.
Not the case.
Here is where everything that I have talked about comes into play. There is a situation that I am hoping to learn from (establishing a relationship with an individual and being there to listen) through which I am asked for my opinion (honesty being my means for expressing my ideas) and through this disagreements that sometimes occur (of which I am never made aware) gossip regarding the disdain of the conversation ensues.
I DON'T GET IT.
So, while I absolutely love learning, love people, and love learning through people. I REALLY HATE PEOPLE. It is for these reasons (combined with only a few others) that I find it impossible to keep people close to me, wish to be a part of peoples lives, or even want to stay in touch with people. (I think, and really hope, that my wife has caught on to this. I am pretty sure she has since we are being brutally honest and open about our thoughts with each other which is working out quite well for us.) Yet other than my wife, there is no one that I can connect with because they don't attempt to understand and respect me and then I lose interest in trying to hold together a relationship with people that have fooled me into thinking that they listen to me.
One of two things are happening. Either I am as cold-hearted and "clinical" as people have called me in the past or I am really not verbalizing the kind of person that I am on the rare chance that people are actually listening to what I have to say.
Done! If you really read all this, you are a good friend and are being very patient with all of my Nerdiness.
Photo: Compfight.com, http://www.flickr.com/photos/7149027@N07/1545584483/