My Tone

My wife and I had a little discussion this past weekend on the way in which I speak to other people. It wasn't in a bad way or anything, but more of a concern on how I approach different topics. The conversation came up that when I speak to others it is in a very "matter-of-fact" way that can lead people to believe that what I am saying is supported fact rather than my own opinion. After some self reflection I realized that this was the case. My stance is that within my profession/career path it is very important that when you are speaking to others in any situation that you portray yourself as very confident and well informed (even if you are not). In that vein it is the case that, when on the spot in front of a room, that one must state their opinion based on inferences and conclusions and back them up without skipping a beat. In a matter of perfecting this skill it has become something that I do in all situations. I am not sure that this is a good or bad thing, but has become a topic of concern with my wife. She sees this as a possible negative in that when I am discussing a topic that I have only limited knowledge I make conclusions, assumptions, or inferences that I know are my opinion, but that come off as being factual and well supported. In my defense I think that everyone should question anything that they are told, however it was explained to me that this isn't the case. She is concerned that if something that I present as factual could be discredited and then would diminish my credibility with members of her firm. While I see this as a valid argument and will take it into consideration, I am still not sure where I stand on this issue. I will leave you with this (also check out Zen's post on these topics, very valid here) and here is the quote that she also used that I think needs to be considered in this discussion:

From Siddharta Guatama, the Buddha himself:

Do not believe in anything simply because you have heard it.
Do not believe in anything simply because it is spoken and rumored by many.
Do not believe in anything simply because it is found written in your religious books.
Do not believe in anything merely on the authority of your teachers and elders.
Do not believe in traditions because they have been handed down for many generations.

But after observation and analysis, when you find that anything agrees with reason and is conducive to the good and benefit of one and all, then accept it and live up to it.

- Buddha…

Zen's site is amazing, please check it out. Zen Happens

Image: http://www.flickr.com/photos/44124361952@N01/214256287/

Another Day in the Life

Today I finished up the contract that I had been working on. I was doing some compliance curation on the human remains from a site in Arkansas that had been passed off to the University. After spending the better part of the morning printing (205 page report mind you) I rushed to campus in order to give my briefing. A 30 minute of nerve racking reciting of stats and figures, I finally got the verdict: THEY WERE IMPRESSED! As many of you have probably figured out already, I need my ego to be boosted on a regular basis. It always hasn't been this bad, but right now I need it. The meeting ended with the director giving me reassurance that through my work here he could say that he would find me funding one way or another as to not loose me as a student. Made me happy and definitely made my day. Now comes the waiting game on finding out whether or not I will land another contract with the museum or not.........lets hope for yes.

On the food note, I made a salad out of the mesculane greens from the market combined with kalamata olives, home made Italian croûtons, fetta cheese, and a garlic dressing. I was also able to fit in roasting some beets for salads for the rest of the week. Tonights dinner was a shrimp stir fry that included onion, green pepper, red pepper, kale, and bok choy and paired with brown rice. I also made a from-scratch peach cobbler that was amazing. I am again doing this to show that one can really eat without preservatives and from local and sustainable goods even if it isn't the majority of your ingredients. Making the small changes is what counts.

On another note, just started "What Happened" and am really enjoying the tone, writing, and perceived honesty that I have noticed so far. I am also getting a chance to start going through my vast expanse of podcasts and recently found the website Hulu(taking up a lot of my time). I am hoping that tomorrow will bring rehabbing my father-in-laws bicycle to ride around town, spending time reading at the coffee shop, and going to join a gym. Yes, I said it, I need to join a gym. Hopefully I can overcome my issues with the gym and gym culture as well as my anxiety and be able to get fit. We shall see.

Nerdiness News

First off let me say that I am amazed at how easily I fall behind on reading blog posts. I mean wow, one day and I have 80+ to read, maybe I have over committed myself.

Last night brought a very interesting chain of events for me. First of all, still feeling like a grown up, my father in-law and I had a very intellectually stimulating conversation on the Scott McClellan book coming out and the state of our countries government and leadership. It was an amazing conversation and a realization of just how similar the two of us are. We have very different religious ideals yet when it comes to history, culture, politics, and many other "not always appropriate topics" we often agree. I then went to a local sports bar for a night of trivia and beer, a common Wednesday event, where I meet up with my wife and many of her co-workers. Granted I have become friends with many of these people, but last night was not our usual group and therefore left me being kind of in limbo. The place was packed due to the Celtics game and our table was one that was added that we had to crowd around and was very awkward. I was situated next to the new intern and his ex-roommate that I had never met before and where I couldn't hear any other conversation. It was not the best. Luckily one of the guys that we do hang out with a lot (very similar to my own personality) decided to have us sneak off to do shots. Good in the fact that I finally had something to talk to and made me feel like was actually part of the group. After that it was like we were attached at the hip for the rest of the night, weird I know. The even better part for me is that one of the guys that was there I really don't like and think is a very shady and a supper sketch ball. Well my new best friend felt the same way, and just like that we had something to talk about and make fun of for the rest of the night. Granted when he got drunk and started picking on the guy it did become interesting, but a little funny in my backward and mean portion of my personality. All in all though it was a great night, great for my wife to see that I can make connections, to see that my personality and confidence are coming back, and to see me happy. Man I love that woman.

Speaking of, I went out with her and so co-workers today and realized something. I am so proud of my wife. I am used to the academic setting were most settings require some level of professionalism, but mostly just making and maintaining connections for research and such. My wife works in the business community and seeing her dressed up, talking business with her new found lingo and vernacular, I was so impressed. The way that she carries herself and her confidence is so impressive to me and I am so incredibly proud of her. Wow, what an amazing woman.

Last, but not least, I got a real boost in ego yesterday. My department head sent me some photos of some burials from Ecuador where she does her summer research. Not only was I ecstatic that she asked me to this, but the next bit was even better. I asked her if she wanted me to pass it on to one of my contacts/experts and she responded with a stern NO and an explanation that stated that since I was "the only" osteologist in Memphis then my assessment was of quality for her. Really!!!! The "only" osteologist in Memphis!!! I have a new title that I will be telling everyone about. I mean I was already on cloud nine knowing that I was the only one working with the University and the museum, but the only one in Memphis just took me over the edge. It completely made up for my computer crashing and me loosing all of my work. What a great day!!!!

Step One

So step one in the "Regaining Confidence" mission is to stop waling with my head down. I am not sure when I started doing this, but I have noticed it and realize (as self-involved as it might sound) that I get lost in my own thoughts and let my head drop as to not have to make contact with anyone else. This seems really funny in the fact that when I was in my undergrad my buddies would make fun of me because I always looked everyone in the eyes and it often intimidated people or made me come of confrontational. Anywho, walking with my head held high is my new goal and one I think will serve me well.

Some Self Reflection

So I have been doing a lot of thinking lately about how I have changed since I started college. While most of the changes I have undergone have been positive, I realized that I have lost some of myself. A couple of nights back my wife and I went to comfort a friend that had recently lost her job. We settled into a corner of one of the popular Midtown night spots and become instantly surrounded by 18-30 year olds from around Memphis and that was when I found what I had lost. People watching, an overly critical assessment of individual action and group culture due to my anthropological training, I noticed the cocky, overly abrasive, and often times profane young men and women and realized that the thing I have lost is my confidence. I am not saying that I want to even remotely resemble those getting-laid-focused college youth, but my head hanging, shy, and quiet demeanor reminded me that I have not always been this way. After much reflection I have realized that my rounds with graduate school and constant competition for continuing education combined with a necessity to please people versus challenge people has left me quite jaded. This is then underscored by my many years in the restaurant business where I was required to hide or repress my opinions and was left having people walk over me with no one to stand up in my defense. The situation in which I finally stood up for myself left me being fired, and then complicating my now realized problem.I am realizing now that thousands of college freshman fail out and that it is a very difficult cultural paradigm that is a lot for an 18 year old to handle. That does not change the fact that while doing my undergraduate work I was very confident and sure of myself and my knowledge and that allowed me to climb the ladder to where I got. However, outside that group that witnessed my struggle to redefine myself, everyone else only sees the person that couldn't cut it. Getting rejected from school after school and having to defend myself on every front has left me doubting myself, and I need that to change. My confidence is what allowed me to define myself as a competitor in my field and what help me "catch" my wife. I have felt like something has been missing for a while, and this annoying night of being surrounded by jar-heads and frat boys is what it took for me to realize what I had lost. This then begs the question: how does one regain self-respect and self-confidence when the loss was so gradual that it went unnoticed? I would love to be able to turn this around in a day, but no that isn't possible and can't believe that I have let the opinions and ignorance of others to change me in such a way. As many say, the first step to correcting the problem is realizing that there is a problem and I have gotten that far. I want the true me to stand out again and want to be that challenging, confident, and often annoying individual that so many people grew to love.