I am an Anthropologist!

Getting funding for my masters degree has led me to a new step in my life. Not know what the hell I am gonna do when it is all over with. I am not going to bore you with all of the details (just yet) because I am saying all this to lead to a recap of my super self-searching week. I have come to the realization that I am an anthropologist. In every situation, every day, in every way, I am an anthropologist. I can not do anything in my day without analyzing the possible reasons and outcomes for every look I get, everything that is said to me.....every single decision that is made in any aspect of my and other peoples day. I have to say that I do enjoy it, but it also becomes very daunting. This is how I can be confident in the fact that I am an anthropologist in every way.

For those of yall who watch my twitter updates you will know that I got into a situation this past week that I was not to proud of. And while I am not going to really go into the whole thing that much I did realize something about myself. I use what I learn about people against them when I get into arguments with them. Well not always arguments, but when I feel attacked personally or professionally I take what things I know about that person's personality, pet peeves, idiosyncrasies, and opinions and use them against them in order to get revenge. It isn't so much that I don't have an argument, but that I am able to couple that with what I know will bother them the most in order to feel like I am victorious in the battle. I hurt them to make sure that I don't feel like they get the better of me in an argument. It isn't right, but I don't know how not to do it. Granted, this it not something that happens very often, yet when it does I leave feeling guilty and proud at the same time. Proud that I had the upper hand but guilty in that I said things in a way that I know would bother them the most. Regardless, this time it just made things worse and looking back on it I do feel bad for pushing all the right buttons but realize that I also took all the negative feelings and times that I had held back in order to be the bigger person, gathered them up, and threw all the punches in one very loud and angry punch.

I feel better and confident at the same time (if that can even make sense). That was my first realization, the second one is that when I am in a situation where I feel attacked personally and when someone makes threats against me and my wife (especially my wife) I toss all logic out the window. When my back is against the wall in a situation when one should act mature and walk away, I don't. I don't walk away from a situation when I know how it is going to turn out. That anger that I subside and thought that I could control does have its limits to being boxed in and now I know why it happens. I have never felt so in control of that anger that I didn't want to show in my life and all in all have learned from the situation. I have also learned that I still have a lot to learn....about myself!

So it is true that the animal instincts are innate, that they can't be fully suppressed, and a person that thinks he knows people, reason, and control can lose it when his back is against the wall.....wow....I am an anthropologist and am only human.